Listening Across Difference

Do you think you are a good listener?  If so, consider yourself in good company: according to More in Common’s research, nearly 8 in 10 Americans think they are “good at listening.” 

Now: do you think other people are good at listening? If you have doubts, you’re also in the majority: according to our research, around two-thirds of Americans believe that “people aren’t as good a listening as they used to be.” 

This discrepancy reveals an important gap between our self-assessment and perceived reality. While somewhat amusing, it also points towards an underlying problem: many Americans feel as though people aren’t listening well these days.  

Not listening to each other has important consequences. Feeling unheard could contribute to the lack of connection and loneliness that afflict many. Our data show that it also relates to feeling belonging: about 40 percent of people who feel “excluded” in their local community think that “no one really listens to them” — twice the national average. Broadly, it’s also important for people to listen to each other so that we can work more productively together in a pluralistic society.

So, what does it mean to really listen well? And how can we encourage Americans to become better listeners?

More in Common explored these questions in partnership with BBC journalist, Emily Kasriel, who has pioneered a new method for high-quality listening. Our findings were incorporated into her book, Deep Listening: Transform Your Relationships with Family, Friends, and Foes, published June 2025.

Key Takeaways

1. A majority of Americans think they are good listeners—yet also think others don’t listen well. 

• About 8 in 10 Americans think they are “good listeners”.
• However, two-thirds (66 percent) of Americans feel that people “used to be better at listening,” and 1 in 5 feel that “no one really listens” to them.
• 57 percent of Americans agree that people aren’t listening to them because “they are distracted by phones.”​

2. Gen Z struggles the most with listening across differences—but they’re also the most eager to improve.

• About a quarter (23 percent) of Americans “avoid listening, one-on-one, to people whose views [they] don’t like.” However, a third (34 percent) of Gen Z say they do this, higher than any other generation.
• Gen Z is also twice as likely to fear that “listening to someone with opposing views might lead [the person] to assume agreement.”
• At the same time, 68 percent of Gen Z is interested in taking an online course to improve their listening skills, which is more than any other generation.

3. Feeling heard is related to feeling a sense of local community belonging. ​

• On average, 20 percent of people think that “no one really listens” to them. This number jumps to about 40 percent for people who feel “excluded” in their local community. 

4. Americans who want to become better listeners do so largely because they want to strengthen their relationships with others, especially those who have different views.

• About half (48 percent) of Americans express interest in improving their listening skills. 
• Out of the respondents interested in taking an online listening course, they most commonly cited wanting “to understand people with different views,” followed by “to learn to listen without interrupting” and “to have better relationships with my family.”  ​